Every person I talk with about aging tells me they want to continue to make their own decisions about where and how they want to live as they get older. Yet, when I ask if they have taken steps to ensure they will have the life they want as they age, very few have done much—if any—planning. I believe that planning for our later years is extremely important, as it prevents us from being reactive in the face of changes that can be significant. Simply put, proactivity creates a much greater likelihood that we will get what we want as we age. An effective way to plan for our later years involves a three-part process: Contemplation, engaging thought partners, and communicating our needs and wants to people important to us.
Contemplation: The first part of this process requires some soul-searching about what is important to us as we get older. I like to think of these as essential conversations we have with ourselves. Most of us have a hard time imagining our lives as being different than they are now. Despite that, we know that as we age there are often changes in our health or mobility. Frequently, there are also changes in our relationships. For example, a spouse may have health challenges or a close friend may move away. One way to approach thinking about our future is to ask ourselves this question: “If there were a change in my health or mobility, or the health or mobility of someone I love, what might I do differently?”
Answering this question leads to exploring options. Consider where you would want to live and how you could best continue to have excellent quality of life if you developed a notable health challenge. Do you think you might want to stay in your own home? Who would manage the day to day needs of your home and your life if you weren’t able to? How about the household repairs? Begin to assess what options may help with these matters as you age so you have a plan of action.
Engaging Thought Partners:“思想伙伴”是那些最能倾听我们的人，他们能提供想法、想法，也许还能从不同的角度看待问题——通常与我们的决定无关。根据这个定义，你可以考虑谁最适合帮助你整理你可能有很多想法，当你决定在未来的生活阶段想要什么。也许你会和你成年的孩子，或者兄弟姐妹，好朋友，或者一个值得信赖的专业人士交谈。在这个过程中，你可能需要和几个人聊天，每个人可能会提供不同的想法，帮助你明确你想要如何生活，以及实现你的愿景需要什么。
Communicating Needs and Wants:这个计划过程的最后一步是与我们最亲近的人沟通，我们随着年龄的增长想要什么和需要什么。这些重要的对话是积极为我们的未来做准备的必要组成部分。随着年龄的增长，我们比以往任何时候都更需要别人来帮助我们实现我们想要的计划。我们越早和我们爱的人谈论我们的想法，他们就越有可能在我们未来需要他们的时候给予支持。这些对话很少是单向的信息共享会话。相反，我们所爱的人也可能有想法分享。记住，每个人都需要时间来消化，有些人需要的时间比其他人更多。这就是为什么这些基本的对话往往是不断发展的对话，而不是“一次性完成”的对话。当人们问我，他们应该和谁谈论他们的晚年计划时，我建议和每一个可能参与帮助实现这些计划的人，以及每一个可能在你需要他们的时候搅局的人谈谈。现在进行对话可以消除以后的干扰!
It truly is possible to continue to live a fulfilling life as we age—and the best way to ensure you do is to plan for it now!
About Dr. Amy D’Aprix
Dr. Amy is a certified senior advisor, Vice President of the International Federation on Aging, and Co-Founder of the Essential Conversations Project. As a gerontological social worker, she has over thirty years of experience working with older adults and their families.